Christmas Past

A Country Visit from St. Nick
.'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shack,
The onliest sound was the wind through a crack.
The fire had died down, and my hunting dog Jaws
Lay on the hearth, waiting for Old Sandy Claws.

.

In the loft lay the young’uns–not one was awake;
They were dreaming of firecrackers, candy and cake;
And me in my long-johns, and Maw in her gown,
Had blowed out the light and were settling down–

..

When out by the barn come a CRASH! and a WHOOP!
The cow went to mooing, the hens flew the coop;
The rooster he crowed, and the mule kicked the shed,
And old Jaws give a yelp and crawled under the bed.
.I says, “Get up, old woman, and look out-of-doors,
For something is after them chickens of yours.”
“You’re crazy,” says Maw, “I aint going out thar–
It may be a pant’er! It may be a b’ar!”

.

So I flew to the mantel and took down my gun,
Then to the back window I went at a run.
The wind had died down, and the moon had come out;
Some old dirty snow was still lying about.
.

And there in the barnyard, as plain as could be,
Was the funniest rig that I ever did see:
There was four yoke of jackasses, balking and dragging,
Hitched up to the front of a covered chuck wagon;

.

The driver was cracking his whip without pause,
And I wondered if this could be Old Sandy Claws.
He whistled and bellered and jerked at the reins,
And he stomped and he hollered, and called them by name:

.

“Hi, Sam’l! Ho, Dan’l! Hey, Mosey and Millie!
Gee, Colic! Haw, Stupid! Giddyap, Dave and Willie!
Now, fly up the wall, if you don’t want a fight!
I’ll get on that roof if it takes me all night!”
.
As hound dogs a-hunting, when hot on the trail
Of the tricky raccoon, almost take wings and sail,
Then more rapid than beagles them jackasses soared
Up into the sky, and the driver he roared;

.

And quicker than lightning that chuck wagon flew;
It was loaded with toys, and Old Sandy Claws, too.
Then all four wagon wheels, and each hard bony hoof,
Landed light as a feather on our old tin roof.
.I pulled in the shutters, went and hung up my gun,
And down through the chimley Old Sandy Claws come;
He bumped his fore-head on the low mantel shelf,
And I couldn’t help laughing in spite of myself,

.

For his whiskers were singed, his red suit a disgrace,
And the tail of his coonskin cap hung in his face.
His boots were all tarnished, and flung on his back
He had play-pretties stuffed in a ragged tow sack.
.He was tall as a sapling and thin as a rail,
As straight as a plow-line and sharp as a nail.
He put down his tow sack and shook his gray head,
And the ashes flew off of his jacket of red.

.

He jumped when he saw me; I thought he would go,
But he filled all the stockings, while muttering low:
“A ’possum for Ramey, a raccoon for Jed,
A rag doll for India with hair on its head.
.

"A slingshot for Kane, and for Jude a wild cat;
Crow feathers for Buffy on top of a hat!
For Andie a frock trimmed with ribbons and bows;
For Jesse some new double-nine dominoes.
.“A powder-keg pony for Reedy to tame;
A sock full of cinders for mean What’s-Her-Name.
Some apples and oranges; a big candy cane
For D. Vann, a sock-monkey for Susan Elaine.
."The apron’s for Mamma; the lantern is Paw’s;
And here’s a banjer for Jack, and a bone for old Jaws.”
Then the tow sack was empty. Old Sandy said bye;
Up the chimley he climbed in the bat of an eye.
.
He jumped on the wagon and let out a howl
That was halfway between a haint and a screech-owl;
It scared the team so, they took off like a shot,
Till you’d think the woofeener was after the lot!
.I leaned out the window as far as I could,
And I watched them fly over the fields and the woods.
Then Sandy Claws waved, and I clearly could hear:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Y’ALL, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
.

..................((((Written in 1985; abridged, and names updated, in 2007.)