Bodies at rest tend to remain at rest...

Today I'm slow getting started. The AC man came and inspected the installation job and pronounced it OK. Otherwise, all I've coped with is a shower and shampoo and some clean clothes I found somewhere.
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I had a few errands to take care of, buy gasoline, pay the light bill, go to Wal Mart for some necessities. This evening I plan to work on the doll house some more. If I could get all my tools, materials and plans organized in one place, I could finish this thing in a day. I keep telling myself.

What Else?

It gets harder and harder--or more and more of a nuisance--to live by oneself and deal with everyday disasters. In the past week, the AC has crashed. The living-room light fixture broke--or I broke it trying to turn on the ceiling fan. A stray cat got in through the pet doors that I unwisely unstopped; Mo ran it off but not before it had ruined the foyer floor. I get dozens of telephone calls where the caller I.D. just says "Texas," "Wisconsin," "Georgia," etc., and if you answer, there's just silence. I forgot to put out the discards for the charity trucks.

There. That doesn't look so bad, does it? It was less than one disaster a day, and only a few nuisances. Don't count the computer freezing up in the middle of something, or burning my hand taking something out of the oven.

I just resent the waste of my time. It's the servants' job to take care of such stuff. But where are they when you need them?

An Old Poem

Great-Uncle John

I know what he meant when he said,
“My old cup runneth over!”
Mine doeth that so often,
I’m afraid I’ll go to hell
for loving life too much.

He looked like one of the Indians
in an early photograph
of Geronimo and his band,
all hung about with extra clothes
and miscellaneous items.

I looked for his grave the other day
over at Pleasant Ridge;
I know it’s there, for I’ve seen it,
but it seems to move around,
much like the old man himself.

Never at home anywhere,
he was always on the move, walking
“to Gilead for the balm,”
or “up the old Jericho Road,
to hear Paul, that new little preacher.”

My mother says she thinks
he was buried somewhere else,
but Aunt Bob says he’s there.
She puts flowers on his grave
on Decoration Day.

I asked her if she remembered
the bags of sweet buns he carried
to share with children he met;
he'd give one to a tot, then tease,
“Don't you eat my pie!”

(by JRC, October 2000)

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The installers finished the AC at noon yesterday, just in time to keep me from lying down on my back and sticking my arms and legs up in the air and hollering "calf rope!" It took ten hours to cool the house down from 85 to 77. I guess that was pretty reasonable; cooling about 3600 square feet, counting the basement. It's not really supposed to cool the basement, but somehow it does.

Rather Warm

Yesterday afternoon, the air conditioner totally quit. I mean, every whatchamacallit in the whole system froze up or burnt out. Our friendly AC guy Brent had been trying to sell me a new system for more than a year, so he was Johnny-on-the-spot with the installers. They almost got it done but about nine p.m. needed something they didn't have, so they left. Said they'd be back about nine or ten o'clock today. Maybe by the time the temp hits 100 today, I can close the windows and turn off the ceiling fans.

At the book club meeting, I borrowed Barbara's copy of Cleopatra: A Life, and I've started reading it. The Pharos lighthouse at Alexandria was taller than the Saturn V rocket. The picture is a modern image based on the ancient descriptions. The mosaic is ancient, referring to the top of the structure with a statue of Poseidon. They don't identify the other guy up there.

To care, and not to care...

"Teach us to sit still."

It's hard to blame people for not reading great poetry. Because when I read it, like Eliot's Ash Wednesday, it breaks my heart and makes me cry and think too much. Not for its own self only, but because I know I will never create anything that beautiful. The harder I try, the worse is my result.

Maybe you could say I'm just not a poet. I agree that I'm not and never will be a great poet. I remember saying once that I would be content to be a minor poet of my time. Looks like I'll never even attain that mediocre post.

Teach me to be a minor admirer. Teach me to care and not to care. Teach me to sit still and keep my mouth shut.
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6:30 p.m. Last night Ramey helped me move the dolls' house onto the living room table. Today I finished all the demolition I needed to do--removed the old kitchen cabinets and the warped remains of "boards" from the floor of the hall/dining room.

Next I need to sand that floor--there was wood under the veneer of plastic or whatever it was--and repair/replace the inside moldings and the "bricks" on one of the chimneys. And buy or build a staircase. Then paint, decorate and furnish it.

A New Poem

The Day We Buried Mama

The priest assured us that she went to heaven,
and who were we, to doubt this welcome news?
We knew she wasn't mean, or sinful, even,
but “aggravating” is the term we used.

She never seemed to like us, yet she claimed
to love us, though we treated her “unkind.”
But how could we be sweet, when we were blamed
for faults originating in her mind?

For instance, she insisted “cheese” was plural,
though she was smart and had excelled in school.
Her eccentricities were intramural:
away from home, she was nobody's fool.

She used to want to help us with our homework—
but she declared that two-times-two was eight,
and was offended when we did our own work,
rejecting her and trusting to our fate.

Since any shade of green to her was blue,
to disagree was stubbornness and vanity.
To challenge her at Scrabble was, we knew,
to dabble in confusion and insanity.

When urged to heed the advice of her physician,
her arguments were sharp as razor blades;
she always took the opposite position,
and made her point by living nine decades.

So now she's with the angels. Heaven help them,
if they suggest she change the way she acts.
We're sure that, if she chooses, she can squelch them
with arguments contrary to the facts.

We miss our mom, though; and when memories reach us
concerning her plaid coats and purple socks,
we wonder if she only meant to teach us
to use our wits and think outside the box.

by JRC 8/17/11

Christmas Projects

I'm thinking of using my pieces of Laurel Burch fabrics to make decorations for Christmas. Don't know yet what or how.
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Always On My Mind

Top of the Wish List

To me, the second movement of Beethoven's Pathetique sonata is like the calm, creative mind moving sometimes under, sometimes above the ta-ta-ta/ta-ta-ta/ta-ta-ta of the busy, intrusive world and worry. This is Freddy Kempf playing it. Like the Moonlight sonata, it's a simple composition; I think I could play it myself if I had a PIANO!

Once, the Christmas season when I was about to turn five years old, Mama took me to consult Santa Claus at Loveman's or Pizitz. I had on a blue-striped dress and a dark blue corduroy jacket, and my hair was straight with bangs.

"What do you want for Christmas, little girl?"

"A doll, and a PIANNER!"

If I had a piano, I would bang it in the morning, I would bang it in the evening, I'd bang it for justice, I'd bang it for freedom, all over this land.

And annoy the neighbors, I guess. The City of Valor would probably send me a letter giving me a week to stop disturbing the peace. But that would be a blissful week.

Supercat

I wish Jean Mock was on email, so she could send me a photo of her cat. We had book club meeting at Jean's wonderful house yesterday, and this enormous white and orange tomcat was the highlight for me. He curled and rolled around on the ottoman in front of me for most of the meeting. Jean estimated he weighs about 25 pounds or more, although he eats nothing but Meow Mix and not too  much of that. He must have a glandular problem. Anyway, he was the sweetest, friendliest thing, like a little old kitten!

The book club meeting was interesting, to me and Jean, at least. Well, I guess everybody enjoyed talking about Cleopatra. I hadn't read the book selection, but I had read other biographies and plays about Egypt's last pharaoh. I read a few stanzas from my Cleopatra poem. The snacks Jean served were out of this world, especially the marinated mushrooms and artichokes.

Every time I've been to the Mocks' home, I go home disgusted with mine by comparison to that perfect, perfectly decorated house. Maybe I need to get married, so I'll have someone to help around the house and provide money, expecially the latter. On second thought, I think I'd prefer to live down under the interstate. I've lived by myself so long, I don't think I could live with an angel 24/7.
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4:05 p.m. There's a movie on TV, with Ernie Kovacs in Technicolor. I'm not watching it, because I'm writing a poem about the lady who lived down under the insterstate. But it's a pleasure to look at that man, although he wasn't all that handsome, just sort of delightfully goofy-looking, and beautiful in Technicolor. I don't think he made many films. His wife was Edie-somebody, and together they were a comedy team-side show all by themselves. When Ernie died in a car wreck, Edie worked for years and finally paid off his hundreds-of-thousands in debt, which would be millions today. I remember how they used to recite poems in pidgin-German.

Is it fatal, or does it keep you alive?

I know I've been worried all my life, and I've lived a long time. So "worried to death" must mean worried Until death. And it isn't true that the things you worry about never happen. Most of them have already happened, and you get a new one (or more) every day. Maybe worry is what makes the wrinkles in your brain, so that you can be intelligent.

You go through life thinking, tomorrow everything will be all right. Tomorrow has to be better than today. Every once in a while, when you realize what's going on, you stop and count your blessings. Which gives you a lot more to worry about. Some comedian--Oscar somebody--Levant, maybe-- said that comedians are the most miserable people in the world; they have to make fun of life to keep from kicking it in the shins.

In other words, one of my garage door openers doesn't work, and I can't figure out how to fix it or whom to call.

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3:30 p.m.: I fixed it, I fixed it! It wasn't the remotes or the inside button that wouldn't work--it was the door. I had accidentally disengaged the door-opener mechanism on the garage door. So I compared it to the other door that still worked, and saw where the difference was. So I got Willis's ladder out of the basement closet and clumb up there and fixed it.

Sleeping Weather

Yesterday Juan and Flavio (Flah-vio) installed the sump pump in the basement. Looks like a well in the floor, including water in the bottom. The house seems to have been built over a natural spring. The basement floor was wet by the time they got through drilling. They still have to bury the pipe outside.

I love to listen to the Mexicans talk--or to Juan. Flavio doesn't say anything. You have to listen to a whole paragraph or two to gather what Juan is saying, with about two English words per sentence in this swift hysterical-sounding patois, with hand gestures sketching the air. He seems to think the louder and faster he talks, the more likely one is to understand him. Which may be true. His English words all seem to be nouns, pronouns and adjectives; I know it's harder to learn verbs, and I guess English verbs with all their ramifications are probably the hardest language to learn.

Anyway, I want to go back to bed, with the thunder rolling and the rain pattering. But I guess there's enough to do today to keep me awake the rest of the day.

Got an email from Jim Reed, a "call for works" for next spring's Birmingham Arts Journal. I think I'll send them a whole bunch of stuff. A poem, a play, a story or vignette, maybe a drawing or a quilt. Maybe some of the remaining junk from the basement. No, wait, I'm thinking of the Exchange Club.

Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, Life goes on...

I thought of this song and found the Beatles singing it on YouTube. That's what's wrong with the world today, why it's in the shape it's in: There's no such talent and beauty in the world now to make it happy. Bad as the world was in their day, they shone so bright, it didn't seem as bad.



Life goes on, anyway. Bits and pieces of it. Here and there.

Liz Reed's meeting is tomorrow at the Birmingham Public Library. She's going to tell the steps in getting a book published. Nearby at Jim Reed's book store, Barry Marks is going to read poems and sign books. I thought I might try to hit both meetings, but don't know if I'll feel like driving around town, hunting a parking place, in the heat or thunderstorm or both. Anyway, my manuscript is away at the River City judging. I sure would like to see Barry, though.

Well--!!!

I've got a migraine, which hasn't happened in many years. One of those with big blank spots in my vision. This time there is some pain, but not severe. Guess I have to take some Tylenol, which is something else I haven't done since 1980. I think I'll wait it out instead.

A Cup Of Tea

When things go wrong and make the day seem dreary,

It helps to seek a good friend's company;

But in the evening, when alone and weary,

I find real comfort in a cup of tea;

The taste is bland, and sugar scarce improves it,

And by the second sip it grows too cold;

Yet the aroma, rising as one brews it,

Performs a kind of healing to the soul.

A cup of tea can soothe a lot of troubles;

I don't know why--I only know it's true;

The world grows calmer as the kettle bubbles,

With just the promise of this magic brew.

jrc 8/5-6/11

Really, Thank God it's Friday, and no longer Thursday!

Whaddaday! The whole process of Dermatological Surgery was more messy than painful, ending with a huge bandage for 24 hours, that blocked my right eyesight and the right side of my mouth. I'm mighty glad Jed came over and provided practical as well as spiritual support. I tried not to take on or complain too much, so through it all I felt right noble, joking with the surgeon about how he wanted to hear me holler. So now I'm graduated down to a smaller bandage and a Bandaid, so I'm happy once more. More or less. About as happy as it gets in the current political and meteorological climate.

Usually the hot weather breaks a little, sometime in the month of August. I don't think I've ever been gladder to see Autumn a-coming in, than I will be this year. Fall is my favorite season, September through December. And I like pure-dee old winter a lot better than these hot-furnace summer days.

I think the next problem I've got to solve is hair. Yesterday I couldn't put on any makeup or hair spray, and by the time we got to Clinic, my hair looked like a stump full of granddaddies, only not that curly. I wasn't concerned about how it looked, just couldn't keep it out of my eyes, nose and mouth. I guess a short kinky permanent is the only solution, with the bare scalp shining through. I've got a wig. Or two or three. But can't stand to wear one in this weather. "There's always something to be sorry for." I think W. H. Auden said that. He was uglier than I am, but had a lot more hair. So what did he know?

Lovely Party, If I Do Say So!

Yesterday was great! I wish I had thought to photograph Ramey's beautiful and delicious birthday cake (brought by Susan) before it was consumed. But too late now. I also wish I had thought to photograph everyone. I seldom remember the camera while things are going on.

We had a great little crowd. Reed was in high good humor. It was a really fun and enjoyable day.
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 I hope to get through this week without melting down. I hope I can hold onto the thought that this time next week, or next month, or next year, the surgery and hard time will be behind me.

My prismatic paperweight on the window sill cast this rainbow on the ceiling. I hope I can take it as a good sign.